


Our Primrose Path to Hell

by Kissa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jace Wayland, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Bottom Jace Wayland, Goth - Freeform, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Parabatai, Parabatai Feels, Romance, Top Alec Lightwood, Top Jace Wayland, jalec - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26994355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa
Summary: Alec and Jace decide to act on the feelings that have been brewing below the surface for years. But a new kind of relationship also means new rules and figuring things out while a war is raging around them is not easy.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 37
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/gifts), [Polarnacht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/gifts).



> This fic is a gift to the two ladies who have been supporting and inspiring me to write on. ( ˘ ³˘)♥

“Where’s Alec?” Jace asks Isabelle, who is inspecting her sword ahead of her upcoming shift.  
  
“He left three quarters of an hour ago, and judging by how long he took to get ready, I’d say he’s finally gone on that date with Magnus.”  
  
“Fuck.” Jace says, without filter, without thinking.  
  
“I thought you’d be happy to have him move on from his crush on you?” Isabelle comments, now watching Jace closely. “Ohhhh… oh wow, turns out you are both bigger idiots than I thought.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“Alec’s been hiding his feelings from you, poorly I might add, and you’ve been hiding your feelings for him even from yourself. It took him being noticed by the High Warlock for you to get off your ass.”  
  
“Izzy, what the fuck do I know? I’m not gay! But the thought of losing Alec is killing me.”  
  
“If I were you, I’d book it to the Hunter’s Moon right now, before Magnus successfully lures my naive and horny brother into his bed.”  
  
Jace is already gone by the time Izzy is done talking.  
  
***  
  
Alec is sipping on his beer - supposedly, this is good stuff, but he wouldn’t know, since he never drank before - and is feeling jittery. Finally, his life is going somewhere other than the drudgery of every day, like Izzy says, “go on a mission, kill demons” and that’s it.  
  
So far, everyone Alec came across has been “not Jace” and that’s a disqualifying flaw in his book. But Magnus manages to make an impression of his own and thus escape being measured up against Jace and found lacking.  
  
If Alec is honest, were he to compare the two, Magnus would definitely be winning right now. Magnus actually wants him around and is interested in him; Magnus listens to what Alec has to say and doesn’t dismiss him - on the contrary, he acts as though Alec is the most interesting person in the room. And that feels good, in a way Alec cannot resist.  
  
Right now he is still struggling to deal with having just learnt that Magnus has slept with 17k people of all races and genders. It’s a humbling thought, knowing that he won’t even get to be the last.  
  
Alec doesn’t feel that same heat inside for Magnus that goes supernova every time Jace is hugging him or has his hands on him otherwise. But it will come. He felt nothing but respect and growing friendship for Lydia and he was going to marry her, so of course he will learn to love Magnus and put him first in his heart. Magnus deserves love and loyalty, because he is nothing short of excellent in every way.  
  
A big part of him is disappointed Jace just let him go.  
  
Jace always goes out of his way to dismiss, ignore or avoid Alec. Even though it was his idea for them to be parabatai, Jace is not treating the bond as the life-encompassing, soul-binding relationship it should be. Jace also almost always has his end of the bond clamped shut, only opening it while they are battling demons together. What’s the purpose of having a parabatai if they’re going to just be yet another person you hide from? 

And yet.  
  
Despite Jace being distant and even cold to him, Alec wishes for a miracle. For Jace to somehow wake up one day and to decide he does want to have his parabatai in his life, that he does care if Alec is there or not and if he’s doing well or just limping along through life. 

Alec knows wishing for crumbs of affection from someone who has none to begin with is no way to live and he should move on and give Magnus his heart and whatever else Alec might have that Magnus deems worthy of taking. 

But the heart is an asshole, well, put that way it makes no sense and Alec corrects himself; alright, the heart is a traitorous and entitled organ, sort of like the Jace among all his organs, only demanding what it wants and not caring about what’s on offer.  
  
Alec can’t help but wonder whether straight people have this much trouble managing their emotions, if it also feels like herding cats high on caffeine to them, or if he is the only one having this difficult a time, regardless of how he was designed.  
  
Clearly Magnus has no trouble sorting his feelings and desires, judging by how decidedly and confidently he is pursuing them by giving Alec all the time he needs.   
  
But the endgame is Alec finally giving up the goods and he feels dirty already for having seen the glimmer of interest in the warlock’s eye at his mentioning he’s never been with anyone, not even on paper. It shouldn’t matter what he decides to do or not do with his own body, but it does and Alec knows people are weird about it, and also can he even call himself gay if he’s gotten to this _old_ age without having done anything remotely gay? Except for a few very vivid daydreams featuring Jace, that is.  
  
Everyone seems to be very invested in him not being a virgin anymore and because of that, Alec himself sees it as a source of shame - after all, if he were as hot as everyone keeps telling him, how come no one wanted to hit that? 

He has to give credit where credit is due - only Jace doesn’t treat him like he’s the last fucking unicorn and has no trouble following Alec’s lead in missions and in all other work related matters. But that is surely because Jace doesn’t give a hoot about him either way. 

Jace probably views his parabatai as some sort of pet he saw at the shelter, the one tabby cat who’s been there the longest because no one likes boring-patterned cats, and that he took in out of sheer pity. Alec has always felt like the tabby animal, the plain one, always the one overlooked and forgotten, especially since their parents picked sides, Maryse favouring Jace because he brought her recognition and praise and Robert favouring his daughter the most. 

Luckily, Magnus seems to love tabby stripes and spots.  
  
The beer still tastes like ass and Alec makes himself swallow another mouthful because he doesn’t want to be the child forever, the one who orders a Capri Sun wherever he goes, especially now when such a wildly interesting man is willing to buy him all the drinks.  
  
He’s so engrossed in his thoughts and trying to keep his nerves in check for later, that he doesn’t even notice the whirlwind of golden strands and black leather zoom outside the window and come in with a loud rattle of the feng shui chimes at the entrance.  
  
“Jace. What unfortunate timing, Alec and I are on a date.” Magnus greets Jace, who is panting like he ran all the way here from the Institute.  
  
“Well done, you.” Jace says, and it jolts Alec from his thoughts. He’s never heard or seen Jace being so disdainful. Furious, yes, spiteful, many times, but not…  
  
Jace has an absolutely insane look in his eyes and Alec suddenly feels like he should have brought a weapon. Whatever possessed Jace to come and crash his date? His first and, now, by the looks of it, only date!  
  
“Jace, you’re causing a scene.” Magnus says, his self-preservation instinct still dormant.  
  
“I don’t care. I came here to talk to Alec.” Jace says. “Let’s go outside.”  
  
“No,” Alec says, as calmly as he can muster. “I’m on a date. Whatever it is you have to tell me, it can wait until after. I’ve already postponed this so many times and Magnus has been gracious enough to still see me.”  
  
“There will be no later!” Jace raises his voice, not caring about making a scene and drawing attention. “Why do you think I came? If you go with him, there will be no later.” 

“Jace, calm down. I’m going to enjoy my evening with Magnus and then come to the Institute to talk. But not before. Now go and calm down, I refuse to talk to you in this worked up state.” Alec continues to stay calm, despite Jace’s increased erratic energy.  
  
It’s always like this. From the outside it may look like Jace does what he wants, being the more impulsive and the louder one - but there’s a distance from what Jace wants to what Alec allows. 

Jace needs a second, two, to accept Alec’s terms, and he visibly shrinks in on himself, nodding and walking out of the place.  
  
When he hurries past the window, Magnus can see him full-blown crying inconsolably, like a small child, uncaring what he looks like.  
  
Magnus also thinks he misjudged Alec. There is absolutely no doormat energy in the man, but an untapped well of anger and power that he keeps a Spartan lid on. He thinks of the metal hand in a velvet glove analogy and he understands why Alec is the one who went into politics. 

The rest of the date is spent talking, but the topic of Jace is avoided.  
  
“Would you like me to portal you to the Institute?” Magnus offers. Alec turned out to be even more multifaceted and infinitely more fascinating that he first thought and even if this doesn’t end up in bed, Magnus desperately wants to retain this one Nephilim’s friendship.  
  
“Thank you, but I’ll walk. I need to prepare myself.” Alec says, raising his coat collar and shoving his hands in his pockets.  
  
“I look forward to seeing you again. It was a pleasure, Alexander.” Magnus says and nods. He supposes it’s too early for a kiss, and too informal for a handshake.  
  
Alec surprises him yet again, leaning in and placing a dry kiss on the warlock’s cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec talks things through with Jace and somehow manages to keep a clear head through the barrage of emotions.

It’s easy to play a role and much harder to put his true self out there. His undesirable, ugly self, that no one wants to see, and Alec performs, because he wants to do well in life, to not feel left out and forgotten anymore. 

If Magnus ends up falling for him even more, it’s only proof he did his job well.   
  
But for now, thoughts of the charming warlock are put away in their assigned mental drawer, replaced in the foreground of Alec’s attention with thoughts of his feral parabatai. He wonders what will work this time - the whip or the sugar cube? 

When he arrives at the Institute, Izzy tells him Jace is up on the roof terrace and she hands him two mugs of mulled wine. 

Alec goes up to the roof, dreading what he’ll find. He stops by Jace’s room and grabs a sweater, because, knowing Jace, he went up there to sulk and is stubbornly freezing his ass off.  
  
Jace is indeed cold, and Alec can see that right away. He puts the mugs down near Jace and places the sweater on his parabatai’s shoulders.   
  
“Everything alright?” He asks.   
  
Jace looks at him with red-rimmed eyes. 

“I lost you, didn’t I?”   
  
“What? Jace, what is that supposed to mean? You’re my brother, and my parabatai. You’ll never lose me, regardless what new people enter our lives.”   
  
“I’m not your brother, Alec. I’m grateful to your parents for taking me in when I had no one. But I’m not your brother and you know that very well. Otherwise you wouldn’t keep repeating it to yourself and to placate me.”   
  
“Alright, let’s try another way.” Alec says, telling the part of him that wants to pull Jace into his arms and comfort him until he’s back to his asshole self again to wait a bit. “What was the scene at the bar about? It was so unlike you.”   
  
“I am too late, aren’t I?” Jace sighs. “All these years I told myself it’s fine because you’re always there, you’re unwaveringly by my side, there for me in every way, we’ve always been inseparable like strawberries and cream. And knowing that was safe - reassuring even. It never occurred to me that I’d have to fight someone over you.”   
  
“What exactly are you saying? No one else is my parabatai, only you are. Magnus wants to date me, something you’ve never ever hinted at before, and now, this. Help me understand!”   
  
“Alec. I love you. I’m **in** love with you. And until now it had to be enough to have you in my life so close but still out of reach, but now I’ll have to watch another man hold you and smell him on you when you come to train… I’ve hidden it all away even from myself because I was told from the start that to love is to destroy.”   
  
“Really? You’re still taking life advice from a genocidal cult leader?” Alec asks. “You sure have some way of making me feel loved! Leaving me hanging, going against my orders, treating me like I’m your dog - no, scratch that, if you had a dog you’d show it affection. I don’t feel like you love me, hell, sometimes I don’t even think you like me! You keep your side of the bond closed and hide from me. What am I supposed to think?”   
  
Jace says nothing for the time being, quietly opening his side of the bond.   
  
Alec gets hit by a wall of longing, with desire sparkling through, followed by ripples of fierce loyalty and warm affection. It’s a heady, potent mix that leaves Alec reeling. It also leaves him sad to think he could have had this to get him through the difficult years, when he was struggling alone and feeling unloved. 

“Why not show me? Why not let me feel all this sooner? I could have used a bright spot in my life so many times in the past.” Alec asks.   
  
“Because I’m broken. I’m way less than everyone thinks I am and you deserve someone good for you, someone whole. Then Magnus appeared and he’s rich and powerful and magical and unapologetically himself. Meanwhile I’m barely keeping it together and I don’t know why anyone would choose me, but… but having to see you with another man after never having said anything would be unbearable.”   
  
“You say that now, when Magnus is in the picture, but what about before? Why not come clean about how you felt before? Are you so used to taking me for granted that you only notice me when someone else threatens to steal your toy?”   
  
Jace looks down at the stone slab beneath his feet.   
  
“I never let myself dream of what it could be. I thought we’re all just repressing everything forever and not addressing things for fear of Maryse, the Clave and the others finding out. But then you kissed Magnus at your wedding with Lydia and I saw that you had the courage to do what I did not. And like I said, I didn’t want to live in fear and always wondering what would have been if I hadn’t been too big a coward.”   
  
“Jace, you’re not a coward. The reason I like Magnus is because he gives me what I need. Attention. He prioritizes me over everyone else. He listens to what I have to say and respects it. Anyone could do that. Even you. But you have to choose to do it.” Alec says, finally taking a sip of his mulled wine and handing the other mug to Jace. “I’d rather it was you who gave me what I need. I don’t want to always be your shadow. I’m not going to be anyone’s lover if no one wants to treat me like their equal. And sure, Magnus is doing it to get me into bed at this point, I’m not that dumb and delusional to think he is miraculously a well of love whereas all of us are cynical and embittered. But you have to talk to me, Jace. You need to open your mouth and tell me how you feel and what you want. And I don’t care how broken you are or think you are. I’ve loved you all my life and I know you like I know myself. So no, to answer your initial question, it’s not too late.”   
  
“I’m going to make you feel my love from now on. And in the parts where I don’t know how, I’ll ask and do my best.” 

Alec takes Jace’s hand in his, the one that is not wrapped around the mug, the one that’s cold from being still in the chilly night air. And he kisses the open palm.   
  
“Don’t be afraid, Jace. I’m even more inexperienced than you, so I won’t judge you if you make a mistake. But I can tell what feels good and what feels like love. It’s safe to make mistakes with me. There will be no broken fingers; no punishments; no taking back my love. We just talk it out. You and me. Parabatai, like we swore all those years ago.”   
  
Jace’s eyes are swimming in tears, which sparkle in the faint moonlight. 

“Parabatai.” Jace whispers, putting his mug down between them and covering Alec’s hand with his other.  
  
He doesn’t resist it anymore and, flying high on Alec’s assuring words, he trusts himself to take the plunge. He slants his lips against Alec’s and kisses him, slowly, just a featherlike caress at first, so Alec can make up his mind.   
  
Then Alec nips at Jace’s lower lip and smiles.   
  
Jace takes it as an invitation and feels a huge wave of relief wash over him; they’re going to be alright. He will love Alec as openly and as honestly as he can - and maybe then Alec will see himself painted in the rosy hues of someone else’s love and actually believe he is worth the world and more.   
  
Jace’s hand goes to Alec’s neck, palm cradling the side and fingers going up in the short hairs at the back of Alec’s head.   
  
They can’t help but smile constantly, their kisses becoming more daring and more persistent. 

“Let’s go inside,” Alec suggests. “Where we can get warm. My room?”   
  
Jace nods and follows him downstairs, first to the kitchen to leave the mugs, then to Alec’s room. 

He stands in the middle of Alec’s bedroom, looking at his parabatai who is undressing and putting his clothes away carefully. 

“Look, we don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to rush or do things just to get them over with.” Jace says, by now aware of Alec’s feelings surrounding his still being a virgin.   
  
“But I want to.” Alec says simply, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Unless you want to wait, of course?” 

There it is again, the insecurity, the feeling that somehow he’s not enough and that it’s all his fault if things aren’t going smoothly.   
  
“NO! Fuck, Alec, I don’t want to wait. I waited enough.” Jace says and summons all the fantasies of his teenage years, the longing, the too long showers, the times he came in his pants while sparring, the mental images. All those feelings, confused and blurry and unsure, but full of the unedited arousal only a young body and an inexperienced mind could generate, he projects over to Alec, letting him feel how desperately he is wanted.   
  
It overwhelms Alec; before, he was upset that Jace didn’t share much of himself with him and now he sees how much there was to share and sees exactly how vulnerable Jace must have felt and how guilty, thinking he is sullying their bond and corrupting his innocent parabatai.   
  
But Alec welcomes all those emotions and those cravings, because nothing has ever made him feel more wanted and more loved, and there is nothing he wanted more than for Jace to return his feelings and to look at him the way he looks now, unguarded and full of desire.   
  
He undresses Jace like he is opening a present, the clothes ending up on the carpet near the bed, immediately forgotten, while Alec’s lips soon find Jace’s and he pours all his longing into this one kiss, which does nothing but stoke his need to feel all of Jace and take him into himself. Their souls are already bound together and bask in the joy of them finally giving the bond the care it needs. 

They could have had this years before, Jace realises as Alec makes his body quiver and come alive from his touch by sucking a dark mark into the side of Jace’s neck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Jace spend a little longer setting things right between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a smut chapter, feel free to skip if you don't like reading about mirror sex and mild choking.

Jace bruises easily - he knows that mark is going to look spectacular by tomorrow - and the thought makes him hum in delight. 

“Alec, you’re everything!” Jace breathes out, loving how much Alec can make him feel with so little touch. “Fuck, do that again.” He orders, when Alec bites down and soothes a spot right under his left pec. 

But he cannot afford to lay passive for much longer. Alec wraps his hand around his length and strokes him a few times - with the right amount of pressure and tight grip - and Jace rests his hand on Alec’s.  
  
“Maybe we should leave that for next time or it’ll all be over before it begins.”  
  
It’s difficult to admit how weak Alec’s touch makes him, now that he finally has it, but he also wants Alec to know how much power he wields over him.  
  
Before they go on, Jace leaves the bed and slides the doors to Alec’s wardrobe open and to the side, revealing the floor-to-ceiling mirror at the back of Alec’s wardrobe.  
  
“What are you doing?” Alec asks, panicking. _Why does Jace need for Alec’s clothes to watch them at it?_ _  
_  
“You’ll see. Please trust me?” Jace says, returning to bed.  
  
Alec can’t help but swallow an undignified sound at watching Jace walk around naked like he owns the place. He knows Jace is beautiful and hot, and even if he didn’t, the whole world around them reminds him that daily. Except he’s never seen Jace hard before and it is a sight for the angels. And he never dared to hope to be on the receiving end of Jace’s attentions as a lover either, yet here they are.  
  
Jace kneels on the mattress, right next to Alec, stealing his attention with a kiss.  
  
“Mfff, I need to get something from my room,” Jace announces, sounding annoyed. “I’ll be-”  
  
“Under the left pillow,” Alec says, turning beet red.  
  
But Jace doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t make a smartass quip, he just retrieves the small tube of lube from where Alec told him he’d find it.  
  
He reads the label and he remembers - they once had a mission at a club where some promoters were giving the stuff away for free - for him and Isabelle the tubes had been a two-time use at best, but Alec had apparently squirreled some away too.  
  
“It’s good to be prepared,” is the only thing Jace has to say, putting the tube nearby and focusing on Alec again.  
  
They resume their previous kissing session and he tilts Alec’s head back ever so gently, so his lips can travel down Alec’s jaw to his neck and for a moment he contemplates marking Alec, deciding against any visible spots. He fully intends to wear the marks Alec left on him for as long as they last and no one will suspect a thing, but if they both show up with bruises and bite marks, it’ll be too telling.  
  
He pushes Alec onto the bed, on his back, going to kneel between Alec’s legs when they fall open for him. He runs his hands slowly over the soft skin of Alec’s inner thighs, watching goosebumps erupt in the wake of his touch.  
  
Alec trembles ever so slightly and Jace catches it, smiling down at his parabatai.  
  
“You’re so gorgeous, Alec. And hot.” He says, giving his own cock a squeeze to put a slight damper on his arousal.

Jace always thought Alec was beautiful, but now that they are men and Alec grew into this tall, dark, extremely hot new person, Jace has trouble concentrating on what Alec is saying sometimes - because the light will hit his face at the right angle, his soft hair will fall over his forehead just so or Alec will smile at him - and Jace is gone, gone, gone, every time.  
  
He lets himself enjoy the feeling of finally getting to touch Alec - finally in a way where he’s not hurting him (like during sparring), and Jace watches his own hands caress away the goosebumps and the small shivers.  
  
Alec watches him with quiet awe, and that shyness he had about him for years is back in the way he fixes his gaze on Jace, blushing and unsure, as though he is afraid that if he looks his fill, the moment will end and he will wake up alone in his bed.  
  
Jace smiles when their eyes meet, and leans down to capture Alec’s lips in a slow kiss, which he soon turns to something else as he thrusts his tongue into his parabatai’s mouth, giving him a slight hint of what’s coming. 

The change draws a needy moan from Alec and he brings his arms and legs up around Jace, trying to get more contact, to feel more. 

Jace pulls away from Alec’s lower lip, letting his teeth graze it as he releases it, only to smile wickedly at his parabatai.  
  
Their cocks are squished together, hard and slippery with precome and Jace thrusts down and forward, making Alec gasp.  
  
“I can’t wait to be inside you; to finally be joined with you the way I’ve been craving since I was too young to know what it meant.” Jace whispers, licking across Alec’s closed mouth and into it once Alec opens it to moan helplessly. “But first, I’m going to suck you off and open you up with my fingers until you’re begging for my cock.”

He smiles when he feels Alec thrash beneath him and a new splash of sticky wetness spreads on their lower bellies.  
  
“You are so delicious, and mine. Angels, Alec. You’re going to ruin me for everyone else.” He continues, loving Alec’s reactions and the power trip they cause him.  
  
“Good! I would not survive seeing you touch someone else.” Alec says, voice strangled with arousal, but his eyes clear. “I’m your last lover in this life or not at all.”  
  
Now it’s Jace’s turn to mewl as pleasure shoots through him at his parabatai’s words. 

“Anything you want, it’s yours.” Jace vows, bending lower and kissing the spot right over Alec’s heart. ”All of me is yours, forever.” 

He moves lower down Alec’s torso, peppering kisses all over the pecs and abs, nipping here and there just to get more of Alec’s addictive responses. Jace has been with quite a few people before, but never did he derive so much pleasure from focusing on his partner. With Alec, everything is new all over again, exciting and intense.  
  
“Jace… Jace please… just touch me more… ahhhhgghhhh fuuuu-” he hears Alec beg, and feels him spread his legs further, bringing them up off the bed.  
  
Jace smiles, enjoying the power he feels surging through him even as he bows down and takes Alec into his mouth. No tentative licks, no talking himself into it - Jace sucks cock the way he does everything in life - with the confidence of someone who thinks they are the best at everything they set their mind to.  
  
He’s been blown before and he knows what makes him completely lose it, so he tries the whole book of tricks on Alec. Taking him in deep, until the tip is pushing at the back of his throat and chokes him, licking up the underside, paying extra attention to _that_ ridge, swiping his tongue over the tip and flicking it into the slit - _ah yes, see, that makes Alec nearly levitate off the bed_ \- and Jace smiles around Alec’s cock.  
  
He snatches the lube he put close by earlier and he coats two fingers for now. He wills himself to go slowly - he knows it can hurt like a bitch if one goes too suddenly, like he did that one time when he fingered himself into passing out and then couldn’t look anyone in the eye for a day. He is still disappointed he gave himself the best orgasm of his life to this day, but in a way it’s 100% Jace and on brand.  
  
Now, with Alec, he focuses on opening him up slowly, looking for the spot inside Alec that will switch everything into pleasure. Alec yelps when Jace’s fingers graze his prostate for the first time and his hands go to grab at the sheets on either side of him.  
  
The hand Jace has on Alec’s belly to steady him and keep him from any too sudden moves only adds to everything else that Alec is feeling, making his abs quiver.  
  
And Alec begs - oh how he begs. Everything is dialed up to a hundred, even things he thought he knew what they feel like because he tried them on his own, and he wants and wants, and wants Jace to give him _everything._  
  
Jace has three fingers inside him by now and he forgets to pull off Alec’s cock when he feels, then sees his parabatai arch his back almost to breaking point and come with a strangled moan. The pleasure courses through him for a long time, making his muscles contract and relax swiftly - Jace can feel it around his fingers and see it in Alec’s thighs and abs.  
  
He swallows distractedly, watching Alec coming down from his high and forgetting how to breathe at the sight. It takes him a moment to recalibrate and remember he is still on a mission.  
  
“Kneel up and face away from me.” He instructs, but pauses in his plans when Alec kisses him frantically, still looking shaken from his earlier orgasm. Jace knows that feeling and smiles, lazily kissing back and tapping Alec’s buttcheek, grinning when Alec hurries to assume the position he was directed into.  
  
He hears the tube of lube being open and closed again and sees Jace in the mirror, stroking himself with a lubed hand, which returns to Alec’s entrance to make sure he’s still good to go.  
  
It’s then that it clicks for Alec and he closes his eyes with a groan. He feels vulnerable and exposed at first, but this is Jace, Jace won’t mock or betray him. Maybe Jace wants to see more of their fucking because he likes the idea so much he wants to commit it to memory from as many angles as possible.  
  
One of Jace’s hands comes up and around to caress his front, settling on his throat, just resting there, not squeezing. When their eyes meet in the mirror, Jace pushes in.  
  
“Angel, look at you. You’re perfect.” Jace whispers in Alec’s ear. “Does it hurt?”  
  
Alec shakes his head, then says, “a bit, but in a good way. You feel massive, but… you are. Give me a moment.”  
  
Jace leans close to kiss the side of Alec’s neck, and trails kisses down to his right shoulder, smiling at Alec’s words, giving his parabatai time to adjust. The very idea that Alec will now be Jace-shaped and no one else would fit turns Jace on even more. He wraps his free hand around Alec’s cock and strokes him a few times, guiding Alec’s head back to rest on his shoulder.  
  
“Look Alec. Look how beautiful and perfect you are.” He whispers, knowing Alec can see everything in the mirror in front of him. “You were made for me.”  
  
Jace’s words go directly to Alec’s cock and Jace feels him throb in his hand while Alec groans powerlessly. His body gives way all at once, relaxing back against Jace and around him.  
  
“Please, Jace. Please fuck me. Make me yours.” Alec begs, and it doesn’t sound like the regular, demanding kind of performative begging people do to get dick. It sounds like a prayer, and Jace’s body is moving and falling into rhythm before he can say or do anything himself.  
  
Jace can’t focus too well at this point, he is reduced to the hydraulics of fluidly and precisely moving into Alec’s welcoming heat, but he can see Alec is gone by now, lost to the pleasure coursing through him, eyes closed, Jace’s name on his lips.  
  
Jace changes their position at some point, to take pressure off Alec’s back, and he lies down, pulling Alec along on top of him without pulling out.  
  
Alec flails for a bit as the world tilts around him, but Jace’s arms are there to catch him and secure him. He sees their joined bodies in the mirror and a keening sound leaves his lips. For a long moment, he can’t take his eyes off the spot where Jace’s cock is entering him and he shivers with the overwhelm of it.  
  
Soon, it’s time for him to beg some more. Jace seemingly wants to torture him like this for the whole night, and Alec is a simple man. He wants to come, preferably soon.  
  
“Please… Jace… I need to… I need…” He gets out, through the staccato of Jace’s thrusts in and out of him. “Please!”  
  
“You want to come, don’t you?” Jace purrs in Alec’s ear, removing his hand from Alec’s cock. “Well then.”  
  
He flips them over, with Alec now on the mattress on his belly, and him on top, finding leverage with one hand on the bed and the other on Alec’s shoulder. This way he can really fuck into his parabatai, deeper and harder, until he reduces Alec to a continuous, needy, whiny litany of sounds that sometimes resemble the words “Jace” and “please”.

Jace lets himself enjoy the feeling of finally having Alec the way he’s wanted him for years. And Alec is nothing short of magical beneath him, around him, hot and tight and pliant and shamelessly begging. 

The hand he has on the bed goes back to Alec’s throat and this time it squeezes every time a thrust pushes Alec forward. He feels Alec tense beneath him and shiver, trying to find purchase on his knees to push back, but not to fight Jace off. To get him to rub over his spot and get off.  
  
Jace gives in and cants his hips just right. A few thrusts later and Alec comes, sobbing his release into the pillow in front of him, his whole body shaking like a leaf in a storm and rhythmically tightening around Jace’s cock.  
  
Moments later, Jace comes too, gently biting the nape of Alec’s neck and soothing with his tongue. No marks, like he decided earlier. For now.  
  
Soon he has to pull out, as gently as he can, and go to the bathroom to get something to clean them both with. He cleans Alec first, then himself, then pulls the whole sheet off the bed and puts it in the hamper because he tends to splay out during the night and no one likes rolling over into come patches in their sleep.  
  
Cleaned up and warm, settled on top of a new sheet, Alec seeks the warmth of Jace’s arms again, head resting on a runed pec. 

“So is this just regular fare with you or did you go out of your way for me? I didn’t think first times were supposed to be this good.”  
  
“First times with me are always setting unrealistic standards.” Jace says smugly.  
  
“You are such an arrogant fucker, even about this. And kinky, too.”  
  
Jace just laughs.  
  
“What exactly about us fucking was so kinky?”  
  
“You made me watch myself getting pulled onto your cock. That’s definitely not everyday stuff. But it felt awesome.”  
  
“I know you, Alec. You like to get the most out of everything you try. Usually it’s with pain, but I wanted to show you, you can do that with pleasure too.”

“I do feel safe with you. I wouldn’t have trusted myself like this with anyone else.”  
  
“So Magnus… he was totally going to get you into bed if I hadn’t crashed your date.”  
  
“Yeah and I was nervous as hell! I dreaded the idea of having to have sex later after the date, even though I wanted it to happen, one way or another. I’m glad it didn’t come to that.”  
  
“So are you going to still date him?”  
  
“What? No! I’m with you now. Aren’t I?”  
  
“I don’t know, I wanted to ask. You made me promise not to get with someone else, but you said nothing about your plans.”  
  
“Angel, Jace, what the hell? You think I’d do that to you?”  
  
Jace is silent for a bit.  
  
“That’s usually how it goes. Can’t expect much from anyone.”  
  
“Well I’m not anyone. I’m your parabatai and I love you. I want no one but you.”  
  
They settle closer together and Jace pulls the blanket over them both. The sense of peace descending upon him tells him he’s finally done one thing right in his life.  
  
He sleeps peacefully for the rest of the night. His nightmares never dare to haunt him whenever Alec is there, guarding his soul even in his sleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Alec have a Morticia and Gomez Addams moment and a clandestine date. Alec is salty about the way Magnus saw fit to come on to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter to cheer myself up. Feel free to skip it and wait for the next action/smut bit if this is not your thing.
> 
> Here's the parabatai emoji to cheer you up: ( ＾∇＾)”(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)

Izzy and the others return to the Institute, but Jace holds Alec back.  
  
He takes Alec’s hand in his and smiles at his puzzled parabatai, leading him into the old cemetery their mission ended next to.  
  
It’s a well lit night, with cloudless skies and the moon is bright despite not being full. The little critters living in the sheltered forest are sleeping, except for the few night predators and their prey.  
  
Now that the nest of demons was taken care of, the area is quiet and safe.  
  
Jace leads Alec to a bench on a main alley that overlooks the entire slight hill the cemetery is on. Right in front of them, a bit to the left, is an imposing grave adorned with a black marble sculpture of two angels embracing. 

“Imagine… this could be us. Buried together, remembered as Nephilim heroes, and underneath, the two of us, crumbling to dust and into each other for all eternity.”  
  
“I’d have it no other way, if I could.” Alec says, wrapping an arm around Jace’s shoulders and tipping him back over the backrest of the bench, kissing him hungrily. “You’re being so romantic, I love this side of you. But we’ll probably get cremated and our ashes will be used to enforce wards. Or maybe Magnus will buy parts of us for his spells.”  
  
“He is **not** allowed to use my dick in spells to make himself irresistible. I’m leaving that in writing.” Jace says.  
  
“I don’t care much either way, although it would be nice to actually have a say and to be able to choose. But if I die first, I’m coming to haunt you. You’ll never be alone, and then when your time comes, I’ll be there to pick you up and we can both move on, together.”

“Same, Alec. I am not leaving your side for any reason. Not even death, my beautiful, powerful parabatai. I love you, Alec.”  
  
Alec gasps softly. They have often told each other “I love you” in the past, but it did not bear the same meaning or weight to it as it does now.

“I love you too, Jace. More than life itself.”  
  
They hold each other for long minutes, kissing and only pausing to let their lips roam over sharp jaws and lower, looking for pulse points and sensitive spots.  
  
“How long do we have before they begin to wonder where we are?” Alec asks.  
  
“I’d say another couple of hours.” Jace replies. “I’m going to need you to wear button downs more often. For times like this.”  
  
“Noted. But there’s also some merit to planning our escapes better.”  
  
“Does it upset you? That we can’t be together publicly?” Jace asks, suddenly hit with the realisation of how little he can give Alec. He’s not rich, he’s not powerful, he’s not magical - like Magnus is. And he can’t even hold Alec’s hand when others are around, or sit on a bench in the park outside the Institute and make out in the morning sun like all the mundane couples. 

“No. As long as I get to have you? The rest is irrelevant. I had come to terms I would be alone all my life and not know what it’s like to be loved by someone else. And even when I did dare to daydream, I dreamt about one person loving me, not more. In my dreams, I’d wake up and find them in the kitchen, making breakfast and having included a portion for me too. I’d think of us helping each other pick clothes to wear and buy. Or emptying the dishwasher together. I never dreamt of showing up in the Accords Hall to flaunt my shiny partner or stuff like that.”  
  
“Oh, Alec. You deserve to have all that, and you will.” Jace says, leaning in and kissing Alec gently, one of his hands cradling Alec’s jaw. “And more. I want to take you out to Starbucks and sit inside, people-watch and have you try those dessert coffee drinks so I can kiss your _foamstache_ away. We’re only a secret in the Shadow World. Among mundanes we can be as open as we like. I just… I guess I should say it, since I promised. I do worry because Magnus is so much more than I could ever be for you. He has magic and power and he’s rich. He could give you a safe life, one where you can plan further ahead than the next day.”  
  
“I’m a Shadowhunter, Jace. I don’t dream of growing old and saggy and retiring at sixty. What would that even look like? You think I want to become a ruin while my magical partner still looks like a thirty year old? You underestimate how gay I am.”  
  
“I don’t think being vain is only specific to gay people, Alec. I wouldn’t mind growing old with you. I think we’d still be hot in that _daddy_ way mundane girls swoon over. But I’m not judging you for not wanting to grow old while your partner stays young. Although he is old as balls in terms of age already…”  
  
“Yeah, and he felt the need to list famous dead people he’s banged to… I don’t know, convince me to bang him too? Like how dusty is that dick?” Alec allows his salt to surface, knowing Jace is the one person he can safely do so with. “And wow, excuse me if I don’t want the privilege of being number 17k1 on his _done that_ list. Knowing that he’d take like, what, ten years? Fifty? Before he moved on from me with a new Lightwood down the line? Or some other young thing that catches his eye? Nah, Jace, I’m a doormat about many things, but I’m not setting myself on fire to give an immortal a few seconds of fireworks.”

Jace watches Alec with a smile fluttering at the corners of his mouth. Alec gave him back something they had lost along the way while growing up. That sense of being thick as thieves, the gift of being one hundred per cent genuine with each other and telling each other the things anyone else would judge and even punish them for.

“Michelangelo… what the actual fuck.” Alec mutters. “So fucking disrespectful. Is this what young mundane girls have to deal with when older dudes hit on them?”  
  
“That’s worse. But hey, don’t be so harsh on Magnus, he only did what he hoped would give him an edge with you. He’s been out of the dating circuit for a hot minute.” 

“But not out of the fucking circuit. I’ve seen him at the Pandemonium on several occasions, with all sorts of people all over him. He should know better. But I guess he is used to getting what he wants, being the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”  
  
“You seemed happy to shoo your parabatai - me - away in order to give Magnus your full attention. How come your feelings changed so much?”  
  
“They didn’t. Magnus is still a very charming person when he is not trying to bullshit me. And I blew you off because you were in a bad state and I didn’t want to give Magnus the satisfaction of watching you have a hard time. I gathered he cannot stand you, I think I know exactly why. He would never accept a partner who already has a soulmate. One they chose beyond any horny in-the-moment considerations. So you can imagine my relief when you finally decided to open your mouth and your side of the bond.”  
  
“It’s too bad we can never get married. I think I would look silly in wedding gold, like a show cat. But I would do it for you because I know it’s important to you.”  
  
“Don’t dismiss it just yet. The Shadow World is changing. And if we emerge victorious from the upcoming war with Valentine and the Circle… who knows what other, smaller victories we’ll get to reap.” 

“Spoken like the politician you are.” Jace says. “My beautiful and wicked smart parabatai.”

They kiss under the moonlight, watched over by the marble angels, until they finally have to come apart for air and Alec’s belly gives a loud complaint.  
  
Jace laughs.  
  
“Come, let’s feed that little monster.”  
  
They end up staying in town a lot longer than they think it’s safe, because in the end they just talked, made out and went to Mc Donald’s holding hands.  
  
When they arrive back at the Institute, Hodge is waiting to ruffle their feathers for lingering out and about longer than needed and hoping they would get out of having to write their reports.

“What exactly kept you back? Did you find more demons?” Hodge asks, giving them a way out. “You know you need a really good reason to go off the radar like that.”  
  
Alec is already frantically looking for a plausible reason to give, one that won’t attract suspicion, when Jace nonchalantly says, “we got held back because our parabatai bond needs care, especially after big hunts. I’ll stay up and fill all the reports you want, but Alec is drained and shaken and he should rest.”  
  
“Absolutely not!” Hodge says. “You both sit down and write your reports, but no longer than twenty minutes, and then off to bed with you delinquents, before Maryse shows up unanounced and tans all of our hides.”  
  
“Alright Hodge, we’re already on it.” Alec says, grabbing a tablet and starting at once.  
  
Jace follows suit, but now and then they keep looking at each other, grinning from ear to ear and barely holding back from laughing.  
  
Later, once Jace settled in his bed, finally closing his eyes after the long day, he hears his door creak open. Alec stands in the doorway, in his pajamas and in slippers, looking as serious as ever.  
  
“I’m still shaken and require further care. May I hop in there next to you?”

Jace just rolls over and pats the free space next to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Alec, not Clary, who has to make a wish at Lake Lyn.

Around them, the war rages on, and Valentine is always ten steps ahead. It doesn’t help that Clary fixated on Jace and decided the natural consequence of them being on the same mission is her and Jace being a thing. 

When she arrives at the Institute with the Mortal Cup and kisses Jace, Alec has to leave the room. Not because he is pining and suffering in silence, like Izzy assumes, but to stop himself from strangling Clary with his bare hands. Seeing someone else just help themselves to Jace makes him physically sick and leaving is all he can do to stop himself from puking on the floor of the war room. And because he leaves, Alec misses Jace gently pushing Clary away and telling her he is happy and relieved she is back, but not enough to want to be kissed over it.  
  
Alec can’t hide his dislike of Clary; he doesn’t want her dead, he just wants her away and out of his hair. On top of her wanting to dig hooks into Jace and take him for herself, she keeps inviting crisis after crisis into their lives, breaking rules and endangering the lives of people she just met and doesn’t care for.  
  
He sees red when she just grabs Jace and leaves to another dimension, relying only on the word of a Seelie knight. And Alec thinks he’s been reasonable long enough. He enlists Hodge to help him track Jace through their bond, even though this will weaken the bond and Jace too - but hopefully Jace will not be fighting demons when he is being tracked. Hopefully this will not cost Jace too much and will make him see he is needed back home, way more than Clary needs him on her personal quests.  
  
But pulling on that one thread unravels an entire tapestry of mistakes and Alec finds himself alone, weakened and on edge. A lot of eyes are on him, expecting him to be the leader, and he fails spectacularly, so much so that Idris sends someone to dig the Institute out of the mess.  
  
Alec feels his entire life and understanding of the world crumble. He needs friends and allies, and he’s always been shit at reaching out. But luckily, Lydia is there, and so is Magnus, who is being very helpful and accepting. Izzy is dealing with issues of her own and helping Clary.  
  
Alec makes a lot of mistakes, desperate to have Jace back in his arms, even if only for an hour. It all results in Jace being taken to Valentine’s facility and tortured, and Alec nearly howls in pain when he sees the state Jace is in when he returns to save him. He blames himself for everything instantly.  
  
But Jace is now considered a traitor, and even though he makes a miraculous appearance to pull Alec’s soul back from the brink of letting go, a too weak and confused Alec can only powerlessly watch as Jace is put in chains and taken to the City of Bones to await trial.  
  
Anger accumulates inside Alec like stagnant poison dripping from a demon corpse. He has no ears for Magnus’ comforting words, for Izzy’s suggestions or for Clary’s excuses.  
  
When Maryse tells him to forget Jace, because Jace is no longer convenient to her now, Alec has to walk away to prevent himself from slapping his own mother to the ground.  
  
It is only thanks to Magnus’ generous friendship that he gets to live through the worst day of his life.  
  
As soon as he exits the portal at Lake Lyn, he sees his greatest nightmare with his own eyes.  
  
Clary, unconscious, knocked out after fighting Valentine. Valentine having raised the angel and Raziel waiting for Valentine to voice his wish. And Jace... Jace lying dead in the mud, a bloody heap discarded and already forgotten by the man who claimed to love him the most as his father.   
  
“Stay back. It’s not safe for you to get closer,” Alec tells Magnus. Meanwhile he slinks away like a ghost, his black clothes blending into the background of the night. 

No one sees the shot coming because no one expects it, but Alec activates his speed rune before he shoots and before a single drop of Valentine’s blood can drip into the lake’s water. Alec is right there next to him, pulling him back and flinging him onto the shore, away from the water.  
  
The last thing Valentine sees, before he chokes on his own blood from the arrow Alec shot through his neck, are Alec’s harsh eyes, glowing with anger and hate.  
  
“This is what you get for taking Jace from me, monster.” Alec growls.  
  
In the silence that follows, he becomes aware of Raziel having watched the whole scene unfold. He turns and walks up to the angel and he looks around briefly.  
  
This is a moment he has read about - he never thought he would be the legendary shadowhunter who would use his one wish to change the fate of the entire Shadow World. It was something that had been written much about; Silent Brothers spent years and decades dissecting the implications of the wish being used. It was supposedly the biggest turning point in modern Shadowhunter history - if it was used correctly.  
  
But Alec doesn’t feel the weight of the decision. He doesn’t feel like a chosen one, a saviour character of sorts.  
  
All he feels is the void inside him where Jace’s soul used to live, and so the wish - his wish - is obvious.  
  
“Raziel,” he says, taking out a dagger and spilling his blood into the water. “Bring back my beloved parabatai.”  
  
“It shall be done, young Shadowhunter. But be careful. Those who return from the dead are vulnerable to the touch of evil. Pray that your love is strong enough to keep him by your side.”  
  
With those words, Raziel vanishes and the entire scenery is plunged in darkness again.  
  
Alec runs over to Jace, who is still lying motionless on the ground, covered in his own blood.

He gathers Jace’s body in his arms, holding him close, reverently caressing Jace’s face, which even in death does not look peaceful, robbed even of the small grace of dying without suffering. Cuts big and small, where the blood has already clotted and crusted over, litter Jace’s beautiful features, and bruises formed under his pale skin. 

“Come back to me, my love. I’ve failed you so many times, please come back. I don’t care if you never want to see me again after I let you down so many times, but please, please Jace, come back to me.”  
  
He doesn’t care that Jace’s blood gets all over him too now, that the mud is seeping into his pants where he is kneeling. He only knows that the angel promised him he could have anything he wanted and he wants Jace back.  
  
When Jace takes a sharp breath, Alec’s heart nearly jumps out of his chest with elation and relief. He is kissing Jace before he can take in other details, but now there are warm lips moving against his, and Jace smiles into the kiss. His hands come up to caress Alec’s hair and the side of his face.  
  
Their souls touch and entangle themselves again and Alec feels tears run down his face. He pats himself down for his stele and traces Jace’s iratze, closing his wounds.  
  
A few steps further, Clary recovers too, and they are joined by Izzy and Magnus.  
  
They gather around Valentine’s grotesquely posed corpse. He died reflexively trying to block a blow that never came from Alec, fear written all across his features as the life poured out of him through the wound at his neck where Alec’s arrow skewered him clean through. 

Alec commits the biggest sin of his life next.  
  
“I shot him in the neck so he would not be able to make his wish. All demon-blooded creatures are safe now. But the war is far from over. We still haven’t found out all of his loyal followers.”  
  
“Consul Malachi Dieudonné was a Circle member, he nearly killed Jace and me,” Clary says. “I guess we are the only ones we can trust now.”  
  
Magnus nods, distractedly, while his eyes stay peeled on Alec and the way his arm holds Jace close. Alec has never looked more intimidating or more in control than he does now, in his black clothes, with the hood on and a wild sparkle in his eyes, as though he is ready to take out any enemy without so much as breaking a sweat. Yet, the way he cradles Jace’s smaller body close to his side is so careful and gentle, as though… as though Alec is afraid he might lose his parabatai at any moment. 

  
In that moment, Magnus understands that Alec will never be his, at least, not in a way he would find satisfying. Perhaps Jace is able to be more present in the everyday dealings of the Shadow World and the Shadowhunter mission; perhaps he can compartmentalise well enough that he can date, fuck or chase other people; but Alec cannot. Alec is so enmeshed in his parabatai and their bond and draws so much of his life’s meaning from there that he cannot see anything beyond Jace. Magnus finds himself being envious of the parabatai bond, because being loved so fiercely and with so much devotion by a man like Alec is not something he has had in his long life, and certainly not from a relationship whose intimacy surpasses anything a lover could grant.  
  
But for now, he can be thankful for still having his life and for the Downworld being safe from destruction, at least by the hands of Valentine.  
  
He portals everyone back to New York and he is surprised to hear Alec call to him.  
  
“Thank you, Magnus. We couldn’t have done any of it without you, and you would have been well in your right not to trust us. But you did, and it made the difference in the whole war.” Alec says, shaking the warlock’s hand and pulling him into a tight hug.  
  
“I didn’t do it for noble reasons, Alexander. I quite like being alive and so do all the other Downworlders. But I am happy we both find ourselves on the winning side of the war. I hope we meet again, under less strained circumstances.”  
  


***  
  
Alec is grilled by his parents and by further Clave representatives on the events at Lake Lyn but he calmly sticks to his version and minimizes his role in defeating Valentine, not wanting the political pressure and attention that come with being the hero. The Clave will spin the account of the events the way they see fit anyway. The real concern is purging the ranks of the Shadowhunters of Circle loyalists.  
  
It is late, three in the morning when Alec finally gets to his room, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to slip between the sheets and sleep.  
  
But as he opens the door, he is met with the heartbreaking view of Jace sleeping on the carpet in front of Alec’s bed, still in his blood-soaked clothes, like a miserable wet cat who knows they’ll be punished if they hop in the bed with muddy paws.  
  
Jace probably waited for him for hours and in the end fatigue got the best of him.  
  
Alec walks up to him and wakes him up gently, gathering him in his arms and lifting him up, carrying Jace to the bathroom.  
  
He carefully undresses his parabatai, getting rid of the blood- and mud-stained clothes, then joining Jace under the shower, proceeding to wash them both, letting the water bring some warmth back to Jace’s cold and tired bones.  
  
Jace leans on Alec and lets him maneuver him however he needs to, not even fussing when Alec’s soapy hands rub along his length, then all the way back to his crack, making sure all of Jace is pleasantly warm, clean and smelling of peach and chamomile. Alec likes the manlier scents, sandalwood and patchouli, whereas Jace prefers the softer stuff, the kind they used to get as children, and Alec has learned to always keep a bottle of Jace’s favourite products around in his bathroom. 

In bed, after Alec dried them both and dressed Jace in some clean briefs and one of his t-shirts, Jace snuggles into his side and falls back into a deep sleep.  
  
Alec wants to stay up and think of all the things he’s lived through on this day that started like any other and ended with him raising the dead, being selfish, committing treason and lying to the Clave and his parents. But he is way too exhausted and he lets sleep claim him too.  
  
***  
  


He wakes up from something tickling his face, and when he opens his eyes, he sees it’s Jace who is very gently running his fingertips over the side of Alec’s face that is not buried in the pillow.

“Good morning, how are you feeling?” Alec asks, unable to keep from smiling. Jace looks a lot better today, the cuts and bruises on his face healed and left no traces and Jace himself looks rested. His skin is back to its healthy, golden glow.  
  
“Like I died and came back to life.” Jace says, fixing Alec with his intense, bi-coloured gaze.  
  
“You know?” Alec asks, feeling something drop in his stomach.  
  
“One moment I was dying and the next I was opening my eyes in your arms, three feet away from Valentine’s corpse with an arrow through the neck. I’m no genius, but there’s only one story that fits.”  
  
Alec could not even hope to come up with a half decent lie - but with Jace, he doesn’t even want to lie.  
  
“It’s true. The others don’t know I made the wish. They think I stopped Valentine from making his.”  
  
“Why? You still don’t trust Clary?”  
  
“No, but it’s not that. If the Clave found out you came back from the dead, they’d lock you up and experiment on you for the rest of your life. Besides. The Clave thinks it has this secret weapon they can dangle over the heads of all Downworlders to keep them in fear and submission. But that’s not right or fair. The Downworlders deserve to live without the fear that some stranger who hates the very idea of their existence can end their lives with little effort at any moment.”  
  
“You thought well. I would have done the same, Alec. How are you feeling? You used to worship the law.”  
  
“Jace, you shouldn’t have died. Your death was an act of chaos. I was tired of not ever having you to myself. Of always chasing you, only to see Valentine take you from me again and again, torturing you all this time. I would lie awake at night, knowing what he was doing to you and crying because I couldn’t do anything to track you and save you.”  
  
“You… still felt all that? I tried to-” Jace says, his voice trembling.  
  
“You managed to close your end of the bond, yes. So I wouldn’t feel your pain like it was my own. Jace, you promised not to hide from me.”  
  
“Alec, I couldn’t let you come there on your own. You would have found me and come for me. And short of you bringing the whole Clave along, you wouldn’t have been a match for Valentine’s soldiers and weapons. The poisons he made.The experiments. It was chilling and I thought I could take it until I could escape without anyone else being in danger.”  
  
“And then you died. There was no other way, Jace. I need you here with me.” Alec says. “I won’t let you go without a fight.”

Jace leans close and kisses Alec deeply, passionately, his hands coming up to bury themselves in Alec’s hair.  
  
“Life has taken a lot from me, but it gave me you. There is no love like your love, Alec. All of me is yours.” 

“I love you so much, Jace. When I saw you lying there in the mud, covered in blood, your cheeks still streaky with tears… it was like I died too. The pain I felt seeing you dead dwarfed the pain I felt in our rune when it faded.”  
  
“I need you, Alec.” Jace says, climbing on top of him, actually sitting on Alec’s hips and resuming kissing him, his lips soon straying to Alec’s neck and pecs.  
  
“Anything, Jace.” Alec whispers, his world narrowing down to the man on top of him.  
  
“Do you want to be inside me this time?” Jace asks, a comely blush spreading across his cheeks.  
  
“Are you sure?” Alec asks, allowing his hands to roam the valleys and plains of Jace’s sides, butt and thighs.  
  
“Yes. It’s been a while since I’ve had anything up there - a lifetime, I might say - but I don’t need much to adjust.”

“Oh no no no, we do this my way or not at all.” Alec says with a wicked grin.  
  
“Well, I need a wee break anyway, so. Be right back.” 

Jace gets out of bed, pulling Alec’s briefs out from between his buttcheeks and ignoring Alec’s giggle at the sight.  
  
Once they both freshened up and met in Alec’s bed again, Jace takes off the two items of clothing he slept in and joins Alec between the sheets.  
  
“Nervous?” He asks Alec, kissing him and finding with delight that they both considerately brushed their teeth before coming back to bed. 

“A bit. But the prospect of being inside you overrides it.” Alec says, smiling shyly. He knows that by now he should be able to voice his desires, but Jace will always make him feel like a babbling teenager and that’s alright in his book.  
  
He takes his time opening Jace up for him, ignoring Jace’s bratty requests for him to hurry. He nearly comes from watching Jace try to get off on the three fingers Alec has inside him and listening to him just talk with no filter whatsoever, lost in the waves of sensation Alec is crashing over him.

Alec covers Jace with his own body, holding himself up with one arm, kissing him with all the longing and despair he felt seeing Jace lifeless on the shore of Lake Lyn. When Jace arches up into the kiss, Alec guides himself in and immediately feels as though he himself might die right then.  
  
Jace is so hot and tight around him and Alec moans at how right it all feels. At how much Jace trusts and wants him, and even though Alec is the one doing the taking, he knows everything he is belongs to and exists to please Jace.

Jace brings his legs up around Alec’s hips, trying to control the angle at which Alec is moving into him and Alec can feel him start to shake minutely, and squeeze him on every inward thrust. Before Jace has a chance to get too close to that slippery edge, he flips them around, so he is now lying back on the bed and Jace is on top, his body taking Alec’s entire length to the hilt. The new angle makes everything a tighter fit, and Jace gets the hint and finds what feels best by leaning back and resting his hands on Alec’s thighs.  
  
Alec can only watch as Jace fucks himself onto his cock, his beloved features now a mask of pure ecstasy. He knows he’s done for as soon as Jace finds release and it’s all he can do to just hold on for the ride until Jace pushes them both over the edge.  
  
One of his hands goes to Jace’s corded, hard working hip, while the other wraps itself around Jace’s dripping cock, stroking it to the same rhythm of their bodies moving against and into each other.  
  
Jace comes with a quiet, awed “Alec!” on his lips, trying to keep his eyes open and locked with his parabatai’s and failing, the pleasure overcoming him too strong to control.  
  
Alec can feel his own orgasm tear through him as his back arches and he empties himself inside Jace, the pleasure amplified by still feeling Jace’s release through the bond.  
  
Jace lets himself fall forward, lying down on top of Alec and kissing his jaw lazily. There’s a displeased sound from him as Alec’s softening cock slips out and he rests his head in the L of Alec’s neck and shoulder. 

He can’t say a thing for long moments, which makes Alec smile.  
  
“Finally got you to be quiet.”  
  
“It’s out of respect for that excellent D. And smugness. I knew you’d fuck like the gods.”  
  
“You still ended up taking control. But I didn’t mind it and I’m just pleased you liked it.”  
  
“Liked it? We’re only doing this from now on.” Jace says, earning himself a loud slap of Alec’s large hand to one of his buttcheeks. 

“You’re not getting away with being lazy in bed.” Alec chastises. “Besides, I could say the same thing about you fucking me.”

Jace lifts his head to give Alec his most angelic cute smile.  
  
“I’m sure we can find an arrangement that suits us both. I mean, I can do both, even without runes.”  
  
“So can I. You don’t understand how horny I am after wanting you for all those years.”  
  
After a few more minutes of lying together, sated and swimming in pleasure hormones, Jace speaks again.  
  
“So I guess this marks my being definitely back?”  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Alec haunt an IKEA.

Everyone is used to Alec and Jace being close and no one thinks any differently of them when they start getting cozy and hugging a bit too long or bailing each other out when one does something that attracts Maryse’s close scrutiny.

Clary starts dating Simon at some point, to Jace’s great relief. Her eyes no longer follow his every move and she no longer checks him out whenever he is training on his own in the inner courtyard of the Institute. 

He and Alec are close and not so much. There is a lot to do, a lot of loose ends to tie up in the wake of them defeating Valentine. They go on many missions, together and separately. They risk their lives trying to uproot the evil from their world.  
  
This means that often there is little time for more than a shared shower and going directly to sleep, or drawing an iratze or two on each other. Sometimes Jace brings treats that he can share with Alec. Other times, Alec makes breakfast for both of them.   
  
There’s no time for what they have to become a legendary romance, but the love is there. It’s in how they have each other’s backs in battle, in how they look after each other even when they are not on a hunt. It’s in how they include each other in their big decisions.   
  
Jace finds a great deal of comfort from simply knowing that he and Alec have each other. He is happy regardless, knowing that sooner or later, he gets to snuggle in Alec’s arms and even if nothing naughty happens, there is no safer, more peaceful place for him. 

And because they fight hard, they also get to party hard. When Jace puts in a request to go on a recovery weekend, he gets it approved right away. And Maryse throws Alec on top of that sweet deal, not for Alec’s sake, but because Jace is a Herondale now and he prefers to do things together with his parabatai so whatever makes Jace happy makes Imogen happy as well.   
  
They spend their Friday night on the town, going dancing, unglamoured, and not on the hunt for demons. This time around, there’s just alcohol and trance music.   
  
Alec feels like he left his body back at the Institute and he is now just a glowing, vaguely Alec-shaped spirit, sparkling and endless. He lets Jace dress him in black boots and black vinyl pants, rub glitter on him and take him out to an awesome gay club he didn’t even know about.   
  
Alec attracts everyone’s attention on the dancefloor, and every single man and boy in that club wants to dance with him and maybe show him the big, red-lit backroom too… a short-lived sentiment when they see who he’s with.   
  
Alec can’t decide if Jace brought him there to show him a good time or to stroke his own ego. But he’s pleasantly tipsy, he feels safe with Jace, who looks even more out of this world pretty than usual and who is watching him with a warm and comfortable, unguarded look of love in his eyes. Alec hasn’t been on the receiving end of that feeling many times, and every time in the past it was Jace who made him feel so precious and worthy. So he decides it doesn’t matter whether Jace brought him here to flaunt him like a bling on a chain or not.   
  
He is having the time of his life, and with Jace next to him, it doesn’t matter how few and far between their moments are, because just one look, a touch, a smile can easily reconnect their minds and bring them back to the last moment they enjoyed together.   
  
And while there was a fear, from Alec’s side, that they would get lost in each other and become true Nephilim, be hit by the curse that allegedly befalls those parabatai who commit the crime of eros… Raziel’s words to him at Lake Lyn confirmed to him there is no curse. The only curse two Nephilim in love can bring upon themselves is if they themselves poison that love with thoughts of envy, greed, jealousy and betrayal. 

Alec has his eye on Jace at all times, the Angel’s words always present in his mind. He knows the nightmares that are haunting Jace, he sees the shadows that are gnawing at the edges of his soul, trying to find a way in. But as long as he’s there, they aren’t getting in.   
  
They spend the Saturday morning having breakfast at a quaint place that has the air of a little village cafe and bakery, and both Alec and Jace get to eat croissants and cakes with breakfast without Maryse frowning and calling them piglets while reminding them no one’s seen a fat Shadowhunter because they get easily picked off and killed quickly. Which is a load of crap, but still mean and able to ruin a nice breakfast at the Institute. For all the fast carbs they aren’t allowed to consume, the Institute keeps them on a high mineral and vitamins B12 and K2 diet, to treat the wretched mood young people with no access to fats and sugar are inevitably going to be in.   
  
“Alec, did you ever wonder what it would be like, if we bought a little place together and lived among the mundanes?”   
  
“I don’t want to be mundane. It would mean I screwed up really badly and got exiled, possibly deruned.” Alec says, taking a sip of his third _lungo_. 

“Not in that way! Like a fantasy. A getaway. I could talk to my gran and get it done. We wouldn’t have to buy. Maybe rent like, a holiday apartment for a week.”   
  
“Why are you so adamant about this?”   
  
“Well, since we won’t get to have a trademark happy ending, with a house and a dog and a Röyksopp soundtrack… I was thinking I want to do the next most mundane couples thing… I want to go to IKEA.” 

“That place is such a hellscape, it’s probably crawling with demons.” Alec says, slightly alarmed.   
  
“On the contrary, demons stay away from it. They get lost really easily in there, the morning sun catches them and bye bye demons.” 

“Why is this so important to you, Jace?” Alec asks, feeling his resolve crumble at Jace’s pleading eyes.   
  
“Because I was raised by a sadist with a God complex who made my every step in the world into either a trap or a test. For once I want to go someplace where the only trap is that the mattress I fling myself on is softer than I expected.” 

Alec feels like someone branded him across the chest with a hot iron and it went clean through him. It’s so easy to forget that Jace didn’t have a childhood to speak of, just training, and that he was a child alone with the biggest criminal the Shadow World has known.   
  
“Alright, we’re going. But no buying a billion trinkets to bring back home. Maybe something small for Izzy.”   
  
“I’m not going there for the bargains, Alec.” Jace says, shoving an entire croissant into his mouth and looking like a chipmunk for as long as it takes him to munch on the thing.   
  
Alec suggests they go in the evening, towards closing time, when there are fewer people and he insists on them both being glamoured.   
  
But this is right up Jace’s alley, who is a suspiciously good boy when it comes to not making noises or moving objects while invisible to the mundanes.   
  
Time flies in that space which doesn’t obey the laws of the outside world and soon, all the mundanes file out, the employees go to their cars and drive off too and eventually, they have the whole IKEA to themselves.   
  
And Alec can’t find Jace anywhere.   
  
He panics briefly, but he remembers he’s there to humour his parabatai, so he looks for him methodically, heading for the restaurant area, because that’s the place most likely to find Jace at.   
  
On the way to the restaurant area, Jace walks up to him from one of the display kitchens. It’s got shiny, dark fronts and a dark granite worktop, a black backsplash, a ceramic sink and the newest, shiniest chrome appliances. There’s also a table with four chairs, a lamp and a carpet that go with the kitchen.   
  
Alec notices Jace stripped down to socks, briefs and his t-shirt and he knows the game is on.   
  
“I didn’t think I’d find you here,” he says, hoping he is reading this right.   
  
“I waited for you to come to me for so long. I made dinner if you want…” Jace says, and instead of food he presents Alec with a glass of wine to go with the one he grabs from the countertop.   
  
Alec takes a sip, then another and slowly he gets pulled in Jace’s fantasy. He can now see it the way Jace does, this could be their place, Spartan but cozy, small but well-planned, comfortable enough to take your shoes off at the door because there’s soft carpets and floor heating.   
  
He could get used to the feeling of seeing Jace in the kitchen, waiting for him with a warm dish he threw together - not because Jace is “the girl” in their relationship, but because Jace can actually cook and knows his way around a kitchen, whereas Alec still has to learn how to make toast without it turning into a block fire.   
  
“Hm, I’m not hungry yet. At least, not for dinner. Although I’m sure it’s yummy, like everything you make.” Alec says, walking over to Jace and leaning down for a kiss. Jace tastes like the wine and his lips are warm and soft - he’s been biting them a lot before this - and Alec loses himself in this simple and most satisfying way of being connected to Jace. His hands go looking for the skin under the hem of Jace’s t-shirt, earning a gasp.   
  
Still locked in the kiss, Alec backs Jace up until he’s against the kitchen worktop.   
  
“You always smell so good to me, but tonight even more so and it’s driving me nuts,” Alec says and takes Jace’s hand in his, setting it onto his rapidly filling cock.

Jace makes a small appreciative sound in the back of his throat and leans in to kiss Alec’s collarbone.  
  
“You’re overdressed.” He says, pulling at Alec’s shirt, untucking it, sliding first his jacket off, then popping the buttons on the shirt and sliding it off too.   
  
Alec lets himself be undressed, something he can’t help but find very hot, especially when Jace opens his jeans and lowers his briefs to free his cock, starting to stroke it and biting his lower lip at the sight of his hand wrapped around Alec’s length.   
  
“Jace... “Alec pants out, finding it hard to focus on speaking, now that Jace is touching him the way he loves, his thumb skating over _that_ spot _right there, god damn…_

He buries his face in the L of Jace’s neck and shoulder, inhaling the warm, summery scent he’s learned is Jace when he’s aroused, sucking a few marks into the tendons there and pulling Jace’s t-shirt over his head and off, before continuing to pepper dark bite marks down Jace’s pec, side and abs. He will have to heal those marks later, for obvious reasons, but the way Jace reacts to the sucking bites is way too good to miss out on.   
  
“Hmmm? You were saying?” Jace somehow remembers Alec began saying something.   
  
“I want you.” Alec says in a low whisper that comes out like more of a growl.   
  
“Yes, angels, yes. Here? Like this, just let me… you can just go in raw and heal it later, I want to feel…”   
  
“Oh hell no, Jace. I know you might not object, but I do. Besides, I came prepared.” Alec says and produces two sachets of lube from the back pocket of his jeans.   
  
Jace makes an annoyed, bratty sound, but concedes, taking off his briefs and throwing them aside onto the pile of discarded clothes.   
  
“Socks too.” Alec demands and Jace listens, standing naked before Alec, wearing just the Herondale ring around his neck and a cheeky smile on his lips.   
  
Alec smirks, pleased. He’s starting to learn what makes Jace tick and most of the stuff is quite the arousing nuance for him too.   
  
He plants his palms on Jace’s butt, kneading before he lets his hands slide to the backs of Jace’s thighs, lifting him easily onto the worktop.   
  
Alec makes sure the getting his lover ready for him part is fun enough that Jace forgets he isn’t getting his way in this too, and he himself is satisfied when Jace can take three fingers easily and is trying to get himself off against said fingers.   
  
Quickly slicking himself up, he cants Jace’s hips just right on the edge of the work surface he is on before entering him in one smooth slide.   
  
This earns him a loud gasp from Jace and has him cling to Alec with arms and legs, biting into the shoulder tendon closest to his lips when Alec’s cock grazes his prostate. 

“Fuck… so good… I need more… harder.” Jace says in between laboured breaths. “Please.”   
  
There’s the magic word.

Alec indulges him, fully aware of how far gone he is, how much his world narrowed down to Jace and Jace only.

So he fucks Jace harder, but with no real edge of roughness to it. More like the way a couple who’ve been together for a longer time and have learned each other’s bodies will develop their own scale of measures and terms for their requests.   
  
And Jace holds on to him for dear life, partly lost in the fantasy, but consciously tethered to Alec.   
  
Alec moves them, now he is fucking Jace on the kitchen table, and he calmly removes Jace’s hand from around his own hard and leaking cock.   
  
“On my cock or not at all,” he says, feeling Jace’s walls clamp down on him at the words,   
  
So he likes that? Good.   
  
Jace clings to the edges of the table on either side of him, letting Alec’s thrusts bring him ever closer to the edge and eventually, over.   
  
But Alec is not done with him, and by the time dawn breaks, he has fucked Jace on a faux fur carpet, in a hammock, in a bed, in a Poäng rocking chair, under a rainfall shower, on a coffee table and on the tiled floor of a terrace. He hasn’t allowed Jace to use his stamina rune and he himself did not even need it.   
  
When he allows himself to come for the last time that night, he feels as though he’s been holding back since he was 14 - and in a way, he has - and he blacks out for a moment, coming to soon enough that he can pull out and hug a sobbing Jace comfortingly.   
  
Jace is exhausted and sore all over; he feels like he died - again! - and Alec did both the killing and the resurrecting.   
  
“You alright?” Alec asks, feeling protective and a bit smug.   
  
“Yes… I’m going to be feeling this for a bit, but in a good way.” Jace says, not bothering to cover himself up for now.   
  
Alec can’t help but look at the results of his good work as Jace turns onto his belly and folds a leg up towards his elbow. There is something so satisfying in watching his come trickling out of Jace’s overused hole and Alec feels shame, then guilt for a few moments - he shouldn't feel so good about wrecking Jace so much - but it all goes away when Jace comes to snuggle in his arms. 

"Wow, that was… just wow." Jace dares. "Are you alright? Did you have a good time too?" 

"I did," Alec says, blushing softly. "From one point on I got sucked into it and I could totally see it… I mean, it's a lovely fantasy, and the only thing that disturbed me was how it originated… but if I can make you happy, and in a way where I get to get off too… then I'm game."

"You know, I actually did make dinner. It's in the slow cooker so it might still be good. How do you feel about Köttbullar, mushroom sauce and mashed potatoes for breakfast?"

"Like it needs to be in my belly right now. And later we can get something sweet from a bakery."

They clean up and get dressed, going to the restaurant area to eat and leaving once the first shift arrives and opens the store. 

It's not long before people start believing their IKEA is haunted and Jace already thought of that. What he did not reckon with was the Clave wanting to investigate the alleged ghosts and sending Izzy and Clary. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of fallout for the IKEA episode and Alec gets Jace to open up more.

_(two weeks later)_   
  
The shower helped and now Alec is feeling a lot more relaxed after being in meetings all day.    
  
His mother drops by unannounced, together with three Silent Brothers.   
  
“Where’s Jace?” She asks, skipping the small talk.   
  
“Training, I think. You need me to get him?” Alec asks.    
  
“That won’t be necessary, we’ll go to him together.” His mother says. “Get dressed and follow me.”    
  
Alec puts some clothes on again, even though he was planning to get into bed and have an early night.    
  
Once in the gym, Alec gets Jace’s attention. He has a feeling this is serious so he doesn’t stop to admire the beauty of Jace’s half-naked, sweaty body.    
  
“Alec, take off your shirt.” Maryse orders.    
  
“Why? What’s happening?” Alec asks, having a sinking suspicion.    
  
He and Jace exchange a brief panicked look.    
  
“The Silent Brothers are here to examine your parabatai bond. I have received information that you two have corrupted it with eros.”    
  
Alec freezes, but has no choice but to go with the motions, and he hates how his fear becomes instantly discernable. He sweats profusely and he can smell the fear pheromones himself. He knows everyone else can too.    
  
Jace just shrugs.    
  
“We did nothing wrong.” He says, looking bored. But his mind is working feverishly to think of who exactly saw them doing what.   
  
Then he remembers - the Clave sent Izzy and Clary to investigate the alleged haunting at IKEA and Izzy did mention they retrieved an audio recording of the ghost activity.    
  
Jace thinks back of how unfiltered and above all, LOUD he was back there. He cannot remember now if he called Alec’s name in the heat of the moment, scratch that, many moments.    
  
It was worth it though. Definitely the best sex he’s ever had, and with the one person who made it matter the most.    
  
_ Bring on the deruning, the exile - I don’t care, it was all worth it, _ he thinks.  _ Just don’t touch Alec or so help me- _

  
Two of the Silent Brothers touch their parabatai runes and Jace sees Alec go paper-white, not with shame, but with physical discomfort. Having someone other than Jace touch his rune feels violating and painful, and Jace knows this because he feels the exact same sensation, next to the sharp pain that reaches him from Alec’s side through the bond. He is more used to not showing something hurts, but usually he only has himself to worry about.    
  
Alec’s suffering is unbearable to Jace, though, and he feels tears threaten to spill.   
  
“Jace, for Raziel’s sake, contain yourself and act like a man!” Maryse chides.   
  
“Maryse Lightwood, your sons are innocent. Their parabatai bond is as uncorrupted as the day it was forged.” One of the Silent Brothers who carried out the check-up informs Maryse.   
  
“Then let Alec go. Stop touching his runes, can’t you see it’s torturing him?” Jace says from his spot.    


“Your parabatai was possessed. We must further inspect his mind and see how far the demonic damage extends. Know your place, Shadowhunter.”    
  
Jace stops squirming in the grip of the Silent Brother who checked him, and who is now holding him back.    
  
Alec can’t help but scream. The prodding and the testing are too painful for anyone to just take with a smile.    
  
Jace tries to catch his eye and to comfort him from a distance, but he doesn’t manage because Alec’s eyes are squeezed shut, in an instinctive response to the pain coming in from the outside.    
  
Instead, Jace looks inside himself. Follows the thread from his soul to Alec’s and wraps himself protectively around his parabatai, who could no longer stand and fell to his knees.    
  
Like armour, Jace stands between the Silent Brother’s invasion and Alec’s mind and soul.    
  
The next time the Silent Brother reaches into Alec’s subconscious, a spark ignites and immolates him. The screams die out very soon, as there’s not even ashes left, just a bright light that flares briefly, then goes away.    
  
“You should maybe listen and leave my parabatai alone. He’s been through enough.” Jace says. He didn’t know he had this power, he isn’t even sure it was his doing or Alec’s, but they all witnessed what happened. And it was definitely angelic power. 

One of these days, the Clave will have to stop trying to rule over every Nephilim’s heart and mind.   
  
***  
  
Later, at night, Alec can’t settle for sleep without talking to Jace about their earlier ordeal.   
  
“How do you think the Silent Brothers weren’t able to tell we corrupted the bond?”   
  
“Because we really didn’t.” Jace says, smiling slowly. “Your love for me is pure. And I am an entitled bastard who knows we aren’t doing anything wrong. Our minds don’t bear the marks of guilt and shame.”   
  
“That is a very nice way to look at it. I am not sure it’s all there is to it, but I’ll take it for now.” Alec says, pensive. “Who do you think told mother?”   
  
“There may have been something on the audio recording Izzy and Clary recovered from IKEA…”   
  
“Oh… Maybe next time we can check for surveillance equipment.” Alec reasons. “And the Silent Brother who was burnt alive earlier? Did you do that?”  
  
“I’m not sure. All I know was that I reached over to you through the bond and told them to leave you alone.”   
  
Alec leans over and kisses Jace reverently.  
  
“Izzy was right. You really are the ultimate protector.” He says. “Now, can we talk about your recurring nightmares? I think it is what Raziel warned me about.”   
  
“What nightmares?”   
  
“Don’t deflect, Jace.I know you aren’t sleeping and using your stamina rune to stay awake longer. What do your nightmares show you?”   
  
“You won’t believe me. I could tell you, and then you’d take me off active duty and I don’t want that.” Jace says, sighing.   
  
“Jace, fuck being benched for a while, I think your ego can take one for the team this once. I remember what Raziel told me? That you’re vulnerable to possession right after coming back from the dead? I can’t protect you if you hide from me. Please tell me what your dreams are about.”   
  
“Sebastian… well, Jonathan actually. He’s not dead. Or, he went to Edom and just came back and he tells me to kill people I care about. Clary. Max. Izzy. Never you, he knows that would never happen. And then when I fight him and defeat him, it’s a glamour and I find out I killed someone I love.”   
  
Alec looks at the ceiling, considering Jace’s words.   
  
“I don’t think you’re insane. I think someone, or something, not necessarily Jonathan, is trying to take over your mind. I’m not going to take you off active duty, but I’m keeping an eye on you and we’re going to ask for help.”   
  
“From whom?”  
  
“Magnus, for starters.”   
  
“Aren’t things weird between you now?” Jace asks.   
  
“Even if they were, Jace. You mean the world to me. I would travel to Edom and grab every greater demon by the collar in person if I had to.”   
  
“Yeah, I hope we can find out what this is before it actually sets foot in our world and really comes after me.”   
  
“Jace? And another thing.” Alec says, his expression turning grim for a moment. “I’m going to need you to swear something to me.”   
  
“I’m listening.”   
  
“Do not eat or drink anything outside the Institute. I don’t care how well you know Maia and how good her beer is, or if you crave takeout - doesn’t matter. Even if you feel like something sweet and want to buy a Snickers. Don’t. Just until we figure this out.”   
  
“Got it.” Jace says. There’s a reason why he trusts Alec with his life. “I swear.”  
  
“I love you. We’ll get through this.” Alec says, pulling Jace on top of him, getting them settled closely together, snug and warm, his arms around Jace like he’s the most precious thing in the world.   
  
Because to Alec, Jace is exactly that.   
  
  
(The End)

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are very coveted goods in this house.


End file.
